Thursday 31 May 2012
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THE BANGERS TONIGHT ARE STRANDED AT A UK AIRPORT TRYING TO FLY OFF ON THEIR HOLIDAY TO BENIDORM. WE HEAR AFTER BEING STOPPED AND SEARCHED ANDY WAS ASKED, ARE THESE YOUR SAUSAGES SIR?, AND A HUGE AMOUNT, BUNTY ALSO WAS FOUND TO BE TAKING CIGARS AGAIN OF A HUGE QUANTITY AND BETTY TOO MANY BLOOMERS. WE HERE THEY ARE BEING QUIZED BY CUSTOM OFFICERS IN TO THE NIGHT, AND WHERE THE HORSES ARE IN ALL OF THIS NO ONE KNOWS.....NOT A GOOD START TO THEIR HOLIDAY......,
BREAKING.......A JUBILEE FAREWELL
WE ALSO HEAR THAT ANDY AND BETTY WERE TRYING TO UPSTAGE THE ROYAL CELEBRATIONS BY HAVING THEIR OWN JUBILEE TO CELEBRATE THEIR OWN 80 YEARS OF MARRIAGE, 80 YEARS THAT DOESNT SOUND RIGHT? ANYWAY THEY WERE DECLNED PERMISSION TO DO SO BY THE AUTHORITIES WE GEAR THOUGH THEY ARE ON ROUTE VIA BUNTYS HORSES SND WIRH MOGGY MINOR IN TOW TODAY TO MAKE A GRAND EXIT FOR THEIR HOLIDAY.....DEAR O DEAR
Wednesday 30 May 2012
Tuesday 29 May 2012
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AS WELL AS SAT SUPREME TAKING A BREAK, WE HEAR THAT THE BANGERS ARE TOO WE HEAR THAT THEY ARE OFF TO BENIDORM, YES ANDY, BETTY, BUNTY AND BASIL. A FAMILY HOLIDAY BUT IS SPAIN READY FOR THEM WE DON'T WHERE OR WHAT THEY ARE STAYING IN BUT WE WILL KEEP YOU POSTED WE ALSO HEAR THAT ANDY IS LEARNNG SPANISH.....DEAR O DEAR
Sunday 27 May 2012
Friday 25 May 2012
LATEST.....................
BARNWELL RECIEVES CALLS TODAY FROM ANDY DOING MORE POOR IMPRESSIONS, BUNTY INVITING HIM ON A HORSE RIDE WITH HER AND PRINCESS ANNE, AND WHITE VAN MAN SAYING HES CLOSING THE NET ON ANDY................ALSO STEVEN HALL FROM THE ANDY HOUR TELLS US THAT ANDY IS PARANOID THAT WHITE VAN MAN IS FOLLOWING HIM EVERY DAY, AND HE WOULD LIKE TO STAY AT BUCKINGHAM PALACE OVER THE JUBILEE WEEKEND AND PHONED THE PALACE TO SAY THAT HES FURIOUS THAT HE NEVER GETS INVITED WHEN BUNTY DOES AND TOLD THE QUEEN TO MAKE A BED UP FOR HIM FOR WHEN HE COMES TO STAY SOON...THANKS STEVE
BREAKING.........ANDY TO SING IN EUROVISION? .... SURELY NOT!
HE BELIVES HE HAS THE WINNING SONG FOR THE UK, FORGET THAT HUMPERDINCK HE SAYS IM YOUR WINNER FOR THIS YEAR.....DREAM ON MR BANGER
Thursday 24 May 2012
LATEST......................VERA & CHAS SEEN TOGETHER AGAIN TONIGHT
GETTING REPORTS THAT YET AGAIN WITNESS ACCOUNTS OF VERA & CHAS SEEN TOGETHER TONIGHT ALTHOUGH WHERE IS UNCLEAR......THIS THE THIRD TIME
LATEST......................BUNTY HAILS MEETING WITH QUEEN A SUCCESS
LAST WEEKS MEETING WITH THE QUEEN AND BUNTY WENT VERY WELL SHE HAS TOLD US.BUNTY SAID THAT THEY HAD CONSTRUCTIVE DISCUSSIONS VFOR THE JUBILEE WEEKEND AND SEVERAL HOURS OF TEA SCONES AAND CIGARS...HOWVER BUNTY APOLOGISED FOR THE LONG DELAYS SHE CAUSED ON ROUTE TO THE PALACE. SOME DRIVERS WERE STRANDED ON ROADS FOR HOURS SHE SAID THIS WAS BECAUSE ALL THREE HORSES WENT ALONG AND HAD TO HAVE CIGAR BREAKS....ALSO WE HEAR BUNTY WAS IN THROULBLE WITH HER MAJESTY WHEN SHE OFFERED THE CORGIS A CIGAR, THE QUEEN WAS NOT AMUSED...........
LATEST.....................A MEMBER OF PUBLIC LASHES OUT AT ANDY............
ANDY WENT TOO FAR THIS AFTERNOON BY APPROACHING AN ELDERLY LADY AGAIN DOING TERRIBLE IMPRESSIONS OF KEN DODD, AND SAYING, HOW TICKLED I AM, THE WOMAN THEN SHOUTED DONT YOU TOUCH ME YOU KEEP YOUR HANDS OFF ME, IM GONNA REPORT YOU IVE HEARD ABOUT PEOPLE LIKE YOU..WE HEAR THAT THE WOMAN SAID HE HAD A FEATURE DUSTER AND RUBBED IT ON HER NECK.............DEAR O DEAR
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THERES A WARNING TONIGHT TO SAT SUPREME BY BASIL BANGER THAT NEW FURTHER ATTACKS ARE IN THE PLANNING STAGES.REPORTS SAY HES STOCKING UP ON WATER BOMBS AND FLOUR AS AT LEAST A HUNDRED FLOUR SACKS WERE SEEN BEING DELIVERED TO HIS HOUSE....BASIL WHO HAS GONE QUIET FOR QUITE A WHILE NOW APPARANTLEY HAS BEEN PLANNING A BIG COME BACK........SAT SUPREME HAS BEEN WARNED THROUGH RELIABLE SOURCES, TO BE ON THE ALERT AND PREPARE FOR THE UNEXPECTED...............
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GETTING REPORTS ANDY HAS CHANGED TACTICS HE'S GOING AROUND NOW DOING IMPRESSIONS OF KEN DODD & LARRY GRAYSON.WE HEAR HE'S GOING UP TO PEOPLE SAYING I'M FROM NOTTY ASH AND SHUT THAT DOOR AS WELL AS OTHERS.SEEMS HE HASN'T LEARNT HIS LESSON ONE PENSIONER TOLD HIM TO GO BACK TO NOTTY ASH AND STAY THERE.....DEAR O DEAR
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WELL AS YOU MAY HAVE ANDY HAD BEEN RELEASED FROM CUSTODY ON BAIL AND TO CELEBRATE THR BANGERS TOOK ADVANTAGE OF THE WEATHER AND HAD A BARBECUE, BUT WITH CONSEQUENCES AT LEAST FOR THEIR NEIGHBOURS AS THE BARBECUE GOT OUT OF CONTROL AND BURNED DOWN THEIR FENCE THAT'S WHAT HSPPENS WHEN YOU LEAVE SAUSAGES COOKING. WE ALSO HEAR TO MSKE MATTERS WORSE BUNTY DROPPED A CIGAR IN THE NEIGHBOURS GARDEN WHICH MADE THE FIRE WORSE......DEAR O DEAR
Wednesday 23 May 2012
Sunday 20 May 2012
Thursday 17 May 2012
BREAKING.....................BANGER HEARS FROM WHITE VAN MAN..............
WELL, WE HEAR THE WAR HAS STEPPED UP A GEAR TONIGHT WITH ANDY RECIEVING ANNONYMOUS CALLS UNTIL HALF AN HOUR AGO WHEN BETTY ANSWERED THE PHONE AND WHITE VAN MAN SAID YOUR TELL THAT FRUITCAKE OF A HUSBAND OF YOURS IM GETTING CLOSER THE CALLER, THEN SAID WHITE VAN MAN AND HUNG UP....ADNY IN THE BATH AT THE TIME HAVING A LONG PUFF ON HIS PIPE WAS FURIOUS AND HAS ACCUSED BARNWELL, MR STAINES AND MR HALL OF GIVING OUT HIS NUMBER.......HONESTLY
LATEST................BUNTY TO VISIT THE QUEEN THIS SUNDAY................
TONIGHT BUNTY HAS ANNOOUNCED THAT SHE WILL VISIT THE QUEEN AT BUCKINGHAM PALACE THIS SUNDAY ON ONE OF HER HORSES FOR TALKS ON THE JUBILEE WEEKEND. WE HEAR THAT BUNTY WILL BE DISCUSSING A HORSE PARADE WITH THE QUEEN OF WHICH CONDOR, MANIKIN, AND HAMLET WILL ALL BE PUTTING ON A DISPLAY BUT WE HEAR THE QUEEN IS NOT KEEN ON THEM SMOKING DURUNG THE EVENT, BUT THIS WILL BE DISCUSSED OVER TEA AND SCONES AND A CIGAR OF COURSE......AND A WORD OF WARNING EXPECT CHAOS ON THE ROADS ON SUNDAY WITH BUNTY ON ROUTE TO THE PALACE
BREAKING....................ANDY ANNOUNCES TV PROGRAMMES ON BANGER TELEVISION NETWORK.....
WE HEAR ANDY HAS SAID THAT HE WILL HAVE A COMEDY CHANNEL WHICH WILL HAVE TOMMY COOPER IMPRESSIONS, SURPRISE SURPISE HE SAID THE CHANNEL WILL BE CALLED, JUST LIKE THAT...ALSO A BETTY CHANNEL, A CIGAR CHANNEL FOCUSING ON SMOKING, A SHIPPING FORECAST 24HR CHANNEL, A COOKING CHANNEL FOCUSING SOLELY ON SAUSAGE MAKING........DEAR O DEAR
Wednesday 16 May 2012
BREAKING.................ANDY TO START UP HIS OWN TV NETWORK...............BANGER TELEVISION
YES, AND IF HE GETS HIS WAY EVERY HOUSE HOLD WILL HAVE TO HAVE ONE OF THE SPECIAL BANGER TVS BELOW INSTALLED TO ALLOW PROGRAMMES TO FILTER THROUGH....... 
Tuesday 15 May 2012
BREAKING...................BUNTY APPLIES TO CARRY OLYMPIC TORCH..............
WE HEAR THAT BUNTY HAS APPLIED TO CARRY THE OLYMPIC TORCH THROUGH ST ALBANS BUT INSISTS IT SHOULD BE LIGHTED VIA HER CIGAR. SHE WOULD THEN RUN WITH THE TORCH WITH HER CIGAR IN HER MOUTH SHE SAID. SHE WENT ON TO SAY SHE COULD ALSO IF PREFFERED RIDE ONE OF HER HORSES HOLDING THE OLYMPIC FLAME.....WE HEAR BOTH OFFERS WERE REJECTED INSTANTLY.......
Monday 14 May 2012
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POLICE HAVE HAD WORDS WITH ANDY TODAY ABOUT HIS PERSISTANT TOMMY COOPER IMPRESSIONS WHICH HAS BEEN HARRASSING THE PUBLIC IN ST ALBANS WITH TODAY. APPARANTLEY HE APOROACHED ONE ELDERLY LADY SND SAID I'M TOMMY COOPER JUST LIKE THST TO WHICH THE LAY REPLIED YOU'LL GET A CLUMP IN A MINUTE JUST LIKE THIS. POLICE SAY THEY RECIEVED ABOUT A HUNDRED COMPLAINTS FROM THE PUBLIC ANDY TOLD THE POLICE HE WAS TOMMY COOPER AND NOT ANDY BANGER HE APOLOGISED FOR THE NUISANCE IMPRESSIONS AND BLAMED IT ON EATING TO MANY SAUSAGES, HE'S BEEN TOLD ANY FURTHER TROUBLE HE WILL BE ARRESTED FOR BREACH OF PEACE......DEAR O O DEAR
Sunday 13 May 2012
Thursday 10 May 2012
LATEST......................PARKARLAFAKA THREATENS THIS WEEKS SHOW...............
SAT SUPREME STILL DOES NOT KNOW WHETHER IT WILL BE BROADCAST OR NOT THIS WEEKEND AND TONIGHT DOUBTS REMAIN, ALL THIS DUE TO A ROW THAT IS BREWING OVER LAST WEEKENDS AIRPLAY ON THE SHOW OF THE SONG BY THE MUPPETS CALLED PARKARLARFAKA, WHICH THE SAT SUPREME PRODUCER SAYS HAD TAKEN HIS NAME ILLEGALLY...DARRELL ANDREWS PRESENTER OF SHOW SAID WE DO NOT KNOW WHAT IS HAPPENING TO THIS WEEKS SHOW AS THE PRODUCER IS THREATENING TO PULL THE PLUG OVER THE MATTER..................
LATEST.......WHITE VAN MAN SAYS HES GETTING CLOSER TO BANGER
WHITE VAN MAN HAS WARNED BANGER TIME IS RUNNING OUT AND HE CANT RUN FOREVER, HES SAID THAT HE WILL BE SEEING BANGER VERY SOON AGAIN...............
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Wednesday 9 May 2012
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WE HEAR THAT TODAY'S FIRE ALARM AT BUNTYS STABLES TODAY WAS A FALSE ONE, A NEIGHBOUR CALLED THE FIRE BRIGADE AFTER SMOKE WAS SEEN FROM THE STABLES BUT CONDOR WAS RESPONSIBLE AS HE SMOKED A WHOLE PACK OF CIGARS. A FIREMAN WAS SHOCKED TO SEE A SMOKING HORSE AND WITH TWO CIGARS IN HIS MOUTH AT ONCE...... DEAR O DEAR
Tuesday 8 May 2012
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WE HAVE HEARD OF BRITIANS GOT TALENT, BUT NOW ANDY CONVINCED THAT HE HAS TALENT TO BE A TOMMY COOPER NOW WANTS TO CREATE HIS OWN SHOW CALLED ANDYS GOT TALENT, THING IS IT'S ONLY APPARANTLEY GOING TO BE HIM ON THE SHOW ALL THE TIME DOING IMPRESSIONS OF TOMMY COOPER AND TRICKS THAT WOULD MAKE US YAWN......LETS HOPE NO TV NETWORK BUYS THE IDEA......
Monday 7 May 2012
LATEST......ANDY INVITED TO PERFORM FOR THE QUEEN?????
WOULD YOU BELIEVE THIS, WE WOULDN'T BLAME YOU IF YOU DIDN'T , ANDY CLAIMS TONIGHT HE HAS BEEN APPROACHED BY THE ROYAL VARIETY PERFORMANCE TO PERFORM FOR THE QUEEN AS TOMMY COOPER. HE CLAIMS THE PUBLIC HAVE BEEN SO IMPRESSED WITH HIS ACT THAT HE IS NOW GETTING THE RECOGNITION HE DESERVES HE SAID IT HAPPENED, JUST LIKE THAT, DEAR O DEAR ANDY TAKE THAT REDICULOUS HAT OFF.......
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GET READY FOR BANGER COMMUNICATIONS, ANDY ANNOUNCED TODAY THAT HE IS LAUNCHING HIS NEW TECHNOLOGY ORGANISATION WITH SUPER SPEED INTERNET CONNECTION AND PHONE PACKAGE, ALSO HE PROMISED AN ALL ROUND BETTER COMMUNICATIONS DEAL OR ALL NEW CUSTOMERS, AS WELL AS S BRAND NEW PHONE WITH FASTER CONNECTIONS AROUND THE WORLD INCLUDING HIS ROAD HE SAID. YES HE SAID STEP IN TO THE FUTURE TODAY WITH BANGER COMMUNICATIONS.......
Sunday 6 May 2012
Thursday 3 May 2012
MORE........SPECIAL REPORT
LATEST.........TODAYS VOTING GOES VERY WRONG.....................
WELL, ONCE AGAIN DISASTER FOR ANDY BANGER, HE TOLD HIS VOTERS AND SO CALLED FANS TO GO AND VOTE FOR HIM AT THE POLLS TO BECOME MAYOR, BUT IT BACKFIRED INSTEAD PEOPLE WENT TO HIS FIELD TO VOTE AT HIS TWO POLLS LIKE THE ONE BELOW. THEY HAVE VOTED FOR HIM TO TAKE DOWN THE POLLS......OH DEAR ANDY... .
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WE HEAR THAT ANDYS ADVICE TODAY TO HIS VOTERS TO GO TO THE POLLS HAS GONE VERY WRONG, WE ARE STILL GETTING DETAILS IN AND WE WILL BRING THEM TO YOU LATER....................
Wednesday 2 May 2012
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WELL WHAT YOU DO IF YOU FOUND A HORSE IN YOUR KITCHEN? THATS WHAT HAPPENED TO BUNTYS NEIGHBOURS, AS SHE WENT IN TO HER KITCHEN TO MAKE A HOT CHOCOLATE SHE WAS AMAZED TO SER MANIKIN LYING ON THE FLOOR SMOKING A CIGAR THE NEIGHBOUR SCREAMED AND CALLED THE POLICE SAYING SHE HAD AN INTRUDER. POOR MANIKIN HAD WANDERED IN THROUGH THE BACK DOOR AND BUNTY APOLOGISED, AND WALKED HIM BACK TO THE STABLES...... DEAR O DEAT
Tuesday 1 May 2012
LATEST........ANDY THE GREAT LOVER?
WITH DJ TONY BLACKBURN IN THE PRESS TODAY CLAIMING HEA HAD 500 LOVERS. WOULD YOU BELIEVE ANDY HAS HAD TO HAVE HE'S SAY CLAIMING HE'S HAD A 1000 LOVERS. IVE LED QUITE A PAST HE SAID AND LEFT A WOMAN IN EVERY TOWN.I'VE BROKEN MANY HEARTS AND I'VE NEVER BEEN ALONE.HE SAID YOU HAVE TO BE CAREFUL AS WHEN YOU ARE SUCCESSFUL LIKE ME WOMEN WANT YOU.....BUT BETTY IS THE ONE FOR ME EVEN THOUGH I GET HARRASSED EVEN TODAY BY WOMEN HOUNDING ME WHICH BETTY UNDERSTANDS.......ANDY WAKE UP
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WOULD YOU BELIEVE ANDY BANGER BELIEVES THST LAST NIGHTS LIGHTNING ACROSS HERTS WAS THE PAPPARAZI TAKING PICURES OF HIM AND BETTY IN HIS BEDROOM. HE SAID THERE WERE SEVERAL PICTURES TAKEN WITH A VERY BRIGHT FLASH AND ONE FLASH GOT ME I'N MY PYJAMAS HOW VERY DARE THEY... DEAR O DEAR....WHEN SAT SUPREME TOLD HIM IT WAS NOT THE PRESS BUT A STORM AFFECTING THR AREA HE DUSMISSED BY CLAIMING THST THE THUNDER WAS WHEN BETTY FELL OUT OF BED WHICH SHE DOES REGULARLY HE SAID.........UNBELIEVABLE
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