DEVELOPING..................ANDY & BETTY.... ANDY ISSUES ULTIMATUM....DEODRANT OR DIVORCE

WE HEAR TONIGHT AFTER THE PIPE CONVENTION ANDY & BETTY HAD A ROW. WE UNDERSTAND THAT ANDY HAS BEEN SAYING ALL WEEK THAT HE HAS HAD TO PUT UP WITH A SWEATY BETTY IN THIS WEATHER, HES NOW TOLD HER ITS DEODRANT OR DIVORCE?? WELL......

LATEST....ANDY HELD COLLECTORS PIPE CONVENTION THIS EVENING........

WE HEAR ANDY TOLD ONE PERSON WHO BROUGHT A PIPE ALONG WHAT A USELESS THING THAT WAS, AND SAID HE COULD THINK OF A FEW USES WHERE TO STICK THAT AND CERTAINLY NOT FOR SMOKING, THE MAN WALKED OFF INSULTED. WE UNDERSTAND ANDY DID NOT LIKE ANY OF THEIR PIPES THAT WERE BROUGHT ALONG AND INSISTED HIS WAS THE BEST....WHAT ARROGANCY!

LATEST.............ANDY SAYS ITS BEEN COLDEST WEEK EVER???

WELL, IN THE MIDST OF A HOT SPELL, ANDY SAYS HES WEATHER GAUGE SAYS ITS BEEN THE COLDEST EVER WEEK ON RECORD..HOW CAN THAT BE?????????????

DEVELOPING..............BUNTY SETS HER HAIR ON FIRE

WE HEAR THAT TODAY BUNTY WHILST HAVING A MATURE CIGAR SET HER HAIR ACCIDENTALLY ON FIRE. FIRE FIGHTERS WERE CALLED TO BUNTYS RESIDENCE SAID SHE WAS OK BUT HER HAIR WAS SMOULDERING, THEY ALSO SAID THEY WERE SHOCKED TO SEE HER HORSE HAMLET WITH TWO CIGARS IN HIS MOUTH SMOKING....DEAR O DEAR..

BREAKING............LARRY SENDS ANOTHER RECORDING FOR ANDY

WE HAVE JUST RECIEVED DIRECT FROM AUSTRALIA ANOTHER RECORDING FROM LARRY, WE CANT GIVE TOO MUCH AWAY BUT ITS BOUND TO IRRITATE ANDY..WE WILL PLAY IT ON THIS WEEKS SHOW WITH LARRY DUE TO ARRIVE IN THE UK SOMETIME NEXT WEEK..........

BREAKING....ANDY BANGERS CONFERENCE SPEECH....Andy banger gave his speech today at his sausage conference. He told delegates weve come a long way to tipererie and its a long way to go. So we must work harder and pack up our troubles in our old kit bags and smile smile smile. Sound familiar? We think hes taken those words from an old war time song he claims it took him a week to write his speech, and only betty and bunty were at the conference anyway. Dear o Dear...

LATEST......ANDY TO HOLD PIPE COLLECTORS EVENT BRING ALL YOUR PIPES HE SAYS..