Thursday 30 August 2012
MORE..............CIGAR YOGA WITH BUNTY
HOW ABOUT A YOGA SESSION WITH A DIFFERRENCE WITH BUNTY?, YES IN THIS PARTICULAR STYLE OF YOGA YOU HAVE TO PASS A CIGAR AROUND TO THE PERSONS IN THE YOGA SESSION TOO . BUNTY SAYS AT THE END OF THE SESSION YOU WILL FEEL FAR MORE RELAXED AND IN THE MMOD FOR ANOTHER CIGAR...........DEAR O DEAR
UPDATE........................
WE HEAR TONIGHT WOULD YOU BELIEVE ANDY HAS BEEN OFFERED THE PART TO PLAY JR EWING IN THE RETURN OF THE DRAMA DALLAS...HE SAID HE HAS BEEN OFFERD THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS TO TAKE OVER THE LARRY HAGMAN ROLE ...WE HOPE TO HAVE PIC OF ANDY FOR THE ROLE LATER...............
LATEST.................ANDY FUMING AT WORLD RECORD SAUSAGE EATER
ANDY BANGER IS FUMING AFTER HEARING THAT SOMEONE ELSE HOLDS THE RECORD FOR EATING THE MOST SAUSAGES...HE INSISTS THAT NO ONE CAN EAT AS MANY SAUSAGES AS HIM (APPARANTLEY 200 IN 2 MINUTES THAT IS), NOT EVEN THE RECORD HOLDER BELOW............... 
Wednesday 29 August 2012
Tuesday 28 August 2012
LATEST..........
BASIL BANGER HAS THREATENED MORE ATTACKS ON VERULAM THIS COMING WEEKEND WE HEAR HE HAS BEEN STACKING UP OVER THE PAST MONTH ON FLOUR, POWDER AND OTHER SUBSTANCES.......SECURITY IS SET TO BE STEPPED AT VERULAM TOWERS THIS SATURDAY WITH SAT SUPREME PLACED ON ALERT.............
DEVELOPING........................
GETTING REPORTS THAT ANDY HAS INTEREFERED WITH SATELLITE NAVIGATION SYSTEMS AND AIR TRAFFIC CONTROL TODAY WITH HIS RADIO ARIEL.WE HEAR PEOPLE IN CARS HAVE BEEN SENT DRIVING DOWN THE WRONG ROADS FOR MILES AND AIRCRAFT LEFT CIRCLING IN THE AIR FOR HOURS SOME EVEN LANDING WHERE THEY WERENT SUPPOSED TO OTHERS GETTING LOST AND LOTS OF PASSENGERS BEING GROUNDED FOR HOURS.....AS ALWAYS ANDY SAYS NOTHING TO DO WITH HIM ALTHOUGH HE SAYS HE HAS ADJUSTED HIS ARIEL RECENTLY..............
Monday 27 August 2012
LATEST..........
WE HEAR THAT BANGER GATE CRASHED ONE OF THE BIGGEST PARTY FESTIVALS OF THE YEAR TODAY THE NOTTING HILL CARNIVAL. PARTY GOERS WERE AMAZED WHEN BANGER TURNED UP IN THE PROCESSION IN THE ROUTE MASTER BUS HONKING HIS HOOTER AND BUNTY ON TOP OPEN DECK WAVING AT EVERYONE WITH A SURPRISE GUEST YES MANIKIN THE HORSE PUFFING ON A CIGAR. WE HEAR PEOPLE WERE AMAZED AT THE SPECTACLE. NOT FOR THE FIRST TIME ANDY HAS TRIED TO STEAL THE MOMENT AND WE HEAR HE EVEN LATER DANCED IN THE STREETS PUFFING ON HIS PIPE AND BUNTY ALSO SHARING HER CIGAR........ OUTRAGEOUS
Thursday 23 August 2012
DEVELOPING.........................
ANDY SAYS HE IS FURIOUS WITH COMEDIAN HARRY HILL FOR INTENDING TO USE SAUSAGES IN HIS FUTURE SHOWS AND EVEN USING HIS NAME..............BELOW IS HARRY HILLS NEW CAPTION FOR IDEA FOR FUTURE SHOWS SAYING SAUSAGES , AND BACK WITH A BANGER..............
WELL, WHAT IS GOING ON????
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DO YOU FANCY WAKING UP WITH BUNTY, OR SHOULD WE SAY BREAKFAST WITH BUNTY. WELL IT COULD BE COMPETITION FOR THE BBC, OR WOULD IT EVEN GET THAT FAR, WELL IF BANGER GOR HIS WAY IT COULD AS IT WOULD BE A BANGER PRODUCTIONS IDEA....SO MAYBE NOT TOOMUCH TO WORRY ABOUT..............
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A BANGER BANK HOLIDAY? YES ANDY IS INVITING EVERYONE ROUND TO HIS FIELD TO JOIN IN THE FUN...THERE WILL BE HORSERIDING ACTS WITH BUNTY???? THE BANGER GRAND PRIX, ZSHOOTING WITH BASIL??? AND BASKETBALL WITH BETTY....FUN FOR ALL THE FAMILY....PAY AT THE GATE IF YOU DARE....£100 PER HEAD PENSIONERS GET A CONCESSION THEY GET A SEAT.........DEAR O DEAR
Wednesday 22 August 2012
LATEST.................
ANDY HAS SAID THAT HIS MOGGY MINOR WAS RETURENED WITHOUT ANY SEATS BLAMING THAT BIT OF A BARRY AS HE CALLS HIM IE LARRY FOR SELLING THEM. HE CLAIMS THAT LARRY SOLD HIS SEATS INSIDE HIS MOGGY MINOR TO GET WHATEVER HE COULD FOR THEM, NOW HE SAID I DONT HAVE ANYWHERE TO SIT WHEN I DRIVE AND WHERE IS BETTY GOING TO SIT. WELL ANDY WE HEAR YOU USED TO PUT HER CRUELLY IN THE BOOT ANYWAY....................
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WE HEAR THAT PEOPLE HAVE BEEN SHOCKED TO WITNESS BUNTY TAKING MANIKIN FOR A RIDE ON HER HONDA MOTORBIKE.WITNESSES REPORT SEEING THE HORSE HOLDING ON FOR LIFE SMOKING A CIGAR...BUNTY SAYS ITS A PERFECTLY NATURAL SIGHT THAT PEOPLE WILL BECOME FAMILIAR WITH............DEAR O DEAR
Tuesday 21 August 2012
LATEST................ANDY DOES EVIL KINEEVAL STUNT AND LANDS IN DUSTBIN.............
WE HEAR TONIHT THAT ANDY TRIED TO GET TOO CLEVER TODAY AFTER GETTING HIS BIKE STARTED AFTER THE WEEKEND. BUT HE WENT TOO FAR BY TRYING TO GET CLEVER AND DOING A JUMP ON HIS MOTORBIKE AND LANDING IN HIS NEIGHBOURS DUSBIN.HIS NEIGHBOUR SAID HEARD A HUGE THUMP AND THE DUSTBIN LID WENT FLYING....WE HEAR ANDY HAS A SORE HEAD (AGAIN) BUT HES OK IF SORE............
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WE HEAR THAT WHITE VAN MANS VAN TURNED UP THIS MORNING OUTSIDE HIS HOUSE MYSTERIOUSLY WITHOUT ANY WHEELS ON OBVIOUSLY WAS PUT THERE OVERNIGHT. WE ALSO HEAR THAT ANDYS MOGGY MINOR RE-APPEARED TOO, APPARANTLEY IT WAS REJECTED BY THE SCRAP YARD SAYING WE DO TAKE SCRAP BUT THAT IS UTTER RUBBISH ANSD SEND IT BACK TO WHERE IT CAME FROM, WE BELIEVE LARRY PUT IT THERE HAVING NOT BEEN ABLE TO MAKE ANY MONEY OUT OF IT...............
Monday 20 August 2012
MORE........
WE HEAR THAT ANDY & BUNTY HAVE THOUGHT UP ANOTHER DREAM VENTURE TO BECOME HYPNOTISTS. BOTH A APPARANTLEY OFFERING CHEAP SESSIONS AND ARE LOOKING FOR THEIR FIRST VOLUNTEER.ANDY APPARANTLEY IS USING THE OLD FASHIONED METHOD HYPNOTISING BY PENDULUM WE ASKED HIM HOW THIS WILL WORK AND HE SAID LOOK ON TO MY EYES, LOOK IN TO MY EYES AN OFFER WE TURNED DOWN...,..DEAR O DEAR
Thursday 16 August 2012
SPECIAL REPORT..........
WE HAVE JUST HEARD FROM STEVEN HALL FROM SOLID GOLD MUSIC SHOW AND ANDY HOUR, WHO TELLS US THAT HIS MOLE REPORTS THAT ANDY ALSO HAD AN EARLY MORNING BARBECUE THIS MORNING THAT UPSET THE NEIGHBOURS WILL COOKIN SAUSAGES, HE THEN SET FIRE TO NEXT DOORS FENCE AND GREENHOUSE AND EVEN TH CAT WAS CHOKING ON THE FUMES..... ALSO STEVE TELLS US THAT BUNTY HAS CONTACTED LOCAL SCHOOLS THAT IS SHOULD BE MADE PARY OF THE SCHOOL CURRICULUM TO HAVE HORSE RIDING LESSONS......THANKS STEVE FOR THAT REPORT
BREAKING....................ANDY RECIEVES CALL FROM SCRAP YARD.....
ANDY WE HEAR RECIEVED A CALL TODAY FROM A SCRAP YARD SAYING THEY WERE IN RECEIPT OF HIAS MOGGY MINOR AND HOW MUCH DID HE WANT FOR IT. WHEN HE REPLIED I WANT IT BACK THEY SAID ITS ON THE SCRAP HEAP AND THE MOST THEY WILL GIVE HIM IS A POUND, TO WHICH HE SAID HOW VERY DARE YOU. THE SCRAP MERCHANT SAID THATS MY LAST OFFER MATE IT BELONGS IN A MUSUEM ANYWAY.............
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WE HEAR THAT BARNWELL HAD A SLEEPLESS NIGHT LAST NIGHT THANKS TO ANDY GOING UP AND DOWN HIS ROAD ON HIS BIKE SHOUTING HEY BARNWELL LOOK ITS ME.....BARNWELL SAID HE WAS WOKEN UP BY REVVING ALL NIGHT AND WHEN HE LOOKED OUT OF THE WINDOW EACH TIME ANDY HAD GONE FLYING PAST AND ALL HE COULD SEE WAS PUFFS OF PIPE SMOKE..........
Wednesday 15 August 2012
LATEST.......VERA SAYS THE RADIO VERULAM LAVATORY IS OUT OF BOUNDS UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE.....,,...
VERA THE STATION CLEANER HAS DECLARED THE STATION LAVATORY OUT OF BOUNDS FOR THE TIME BEING , SHE WAS SO SHOCKED D BY IT'S CURRENT STATE THAT SHE SAID IT NEEDS AN EMERGENCY. DEEP CLEANER. IVE WORKED AS A CLEANER FOR 25 YEARS SND I'VE NEVER SEEN ANYTHING LIKE THIS SHE SAID.......
MORE........
SO NOW WE COULD BE HAVING ANOTHER BANGERS VENTURE ON OUR HANDS CALLED BANGERS BIKES. THIS TIME BUNTY IS IN ON THE ACT TOO WITH HER SHARE BEING CALLED BUNTYS BIKES. WE HEAR THAT SHE TOO HAS BEEN CALLED A BIKER CHICK. ANDY SAYS A WIDE RANGE OF UP TO DATE MOTORBIKES WILL BE ON SALE SOON.........ON YER BIKE ANDY
Tuesday 14 August 2012
MORE.......
WE HEAR HELLS ANGEL OR SHOULD WE SAY BANGERS ANGEL ANDY HAS ALREADY BEEN CAUSING A NUISANCE ON HIS BIKE. BETTY HAS HAD A GO AT HIM FOR CONSTANTLY REVVING IT ALL DAY GIVING HER A MIGRANE. THEN HE KEEPS TAKING IT FOR WHAT HE CALLS ESSENTIAL TEST RIDES IN RHE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT WAKING NEIGHBOURS AND NEARBY RESIDENTS UP BY RIDING AT EXCESSIVE SPEED DOWN THE ROAD.ONE LADY SAUD THIS IS THE SECOND IVE HAD NO SLEEP JUST AS I FALL BACK TO SLEEP I HEAR THIS REALLY LOUD MOTORBIKE NOISE I COMING DOWN THE STREET IT'S DEAFENING SHE SAID......DEAR O DEAR
Monday 13 August 2012
MORE.......
WITH NEWS EMERGING THIS WEEK THAT PEOPLE WHO HAVE HAD KNOCKS ON THE HEAD WHEN THEY WERE YOUNGER AT MORE RISK FROM DEPRESSION. ANDY SAYS HE HAS HAD LOTS OF KNOCKS ON HIS HEAD AND IS FINE, WE ARE NOT SURE ABOUT THAT ANDY MAYBE YOU SHOULD SEE A DOCTOR, AS WE HEAR SINCE YOU BANGED YOUR HEAD AT AN EARLY AGE PEOPLE SAY YOU'VE NEVER BEEN THE SAME...,,
MORE........
YOU ARE NOT GOING TO BELIEVE THIS ONE BANGER HAS ONLY GOT HIM A MOTORBIKE NOW AND WE HEAR HE WILL BE COMING IN ON HIS HARLEY DAVIDSON ON SAT TOGETHER WE HEAR WITH A FEW OF HIS FRIENDS ON THEIRS INCLUDING WICKY. SO DOES THINK OF HIMSELF AS A BANGERS ANGEL......WE SHALL SEE
Sunday 12 August 2012
Thursday 9 August 2012
LATEST......................BANGERS NEW BINS
JUST RECIEVED THIS , WHAT BANGERS NEW BINS ARE TO LOOK LIKE OUTSIDE YOUR PROPERTY SOON...............BEWARE..
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BANGERS BINS ARE THE LATEST VENTURE HE HAS COME UP WITH, YES EXPECT TO HAVE A BANGERS BIN OUTSIDE YOUR PROPERTY TO REPLACE THE COUNCIL BINS...HES BINS HE ASSURES US WILL BE ABLE TO CONTAIN MORE RUBBISH THAN THE CURRENT ONES AND WILL HAVE A LOGO ON THEM SAYING ...(BIN IT WITH BANGER} DEAR O DEAR.........
Wednesday 8 August 2012
LATEST.........BUNTYS HORSES STARTLE THE NEIGHBOURS.......
THIS EVENING BUNTYS NEIGHBOUR WAS SHOCKED TO SEE CONDOR LOOKING AT HER THROUGH THE BATHROOM WINDOW IN TO THE BACK GARDEN WHILST SHE WAS PUTTING WASHING OUT SHE WAS EVEN MORE AMAZED AND GASPED, WHEN SHE SAW CONDOR SMOKING...ANOTHER ONE OF BUNTYS NEIGHBOURS WAS SHOCKED TO SEE MANIKIN STRETCHED OUT ON RHE SOFA WATCHING TV AGAIN SMOKING WHEN SHE KNOCKED ON THE DOOR FOR SOME SUGAR......RELAX BUNTY SAUD YOUVE MET MY BOYS.....DEAR O DEAR
ANDY CAUSES DAMAGE..........
WE ARE GETTING REPORTS ANDY HAS CAUSED MORE DAMAGE WHEN HE TURNED UP AT RADIO VERULAM THIS MORNING TO REPAIR THE DAMAGE DOOR.WE HEAR HE TRIED TO REPAIR THE WRONG WITH A DRILL AND HAS DRILLED A HOLE GOING IN TO THE CAFE. TO MAKE MATTERS WORSE HE HAS DRILLED THROUGH A WATER PIPE CAUSING FLOODING. WE HEAR FIRE BRIGADE ARE AT THE SCENE NOW. BUT NO SIGN OF BANGER JUST A PIPE WAS FOUND........
Tuesday 7 August 2012
BREAKING.........ANDY TO TAKE PART IN OLYMPIC MEDAL VICTORY PARADE??????
DERECK STAINES FROM THE SOLID GOLD MUSIC SHOW& ANDY HOUR TELLS US THAT HE HAS HEARD A RUMOUR THAT ANDY WILL BE TAKING PART I'N THE MEDAL VICTORY PARADE IN SEPTEMBER.APPARANTLEY ANDY SAID HE WILL BETAKING PART IN THE PARADE IN HIS ROUTE MASTER BUS......SORRY ONLY OLYMPIC CHAMPION MEDAL WNNERS ANDY SOMETHING YOU'RE NOT.....THANKS DERECK FOR REPORT
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ANOTHER BAD IDEA, THIS TIME BANGER WANTS TO START UP HIS OWN BUILDING COMPANY WOULD YOU BELIEVE. NO JOB TOO BIG OR SMALL HE SAYS, AND HE INTENDS TO START WITH THE DAMAGE ON THE RADIO VERULAM DOOR. BETTY WE HEAR HAS SAID ANDY IS DANGEROUS WITH A DRILL.....
Monday 6 August 2012
MORE........
ANDY BANGER HAS COME UNDER FIRE FROM THE VERULAM MANAGEMENT AFTER CAUSING EXTENSIVE DAMAGE THE THE STATION DOOR ON SATURDAY. THE COST HAS BEEN ESTIMATED AT HUNDREDS OF POUNDS AFTER THE FOOR WAS ALMOST RIPPED OF BY HIS ROUTE MASTER BUS. ONE WITNESS WHO WAS PASSING BY SAID I HEARD AN AMIGHTY THUD AND SAW THE BUS HIT THE DOOR. LATER AS ANDY WENT TO DRIVE AWAY AFTER SHOW HE HIT A POST AND DOMEYHING ELSE ON THE OTHER SIDE. MEANWHILE SNDY SAID HE WILL DO THE REPAIRS HIMSELF TO SAVE MONEY AND BLAMED HIS BUS HE SAID I DIFNT HIT IT THE BUS DID PLUS I BLAME MR STAINES......DEAR O DEAR
Thursday 2 August 2012
LATEST..................REPORTS ALREADY COMING IN TO SAT SUPREME OF BATHROOM DISASTERS FROM BANGER BATHROOMS.........BELOW ARE SOME PHOTOS SENT IN TO US FROM COMPLAINING CUSTOMERS...............
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WOULD YOU BELIEVE IT BANGER TO HOLD A HUGE FIREWORK DISPLAY IN HIS FIELD ON NOV 5TH . HE SAID ITS TO WELC0ME IN THE WINTER?????? AND TO CELEBRATE GUY FAWKES. THE LOCAL AUTHORITIES HAVE ALREADY BANNED THE IDEA CALLING IT SENSELESS AND DANGEROUS, BUT BANGERS NOT HAVING ANY OF IT SAYING IT WILL BE THE BIGGEST DISPLAY THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN.............DEAR O DEAR O DEAR
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WE HEAR WOULD YOU BELIEVE THE BANGERS ARE MOANING BECAUSE THEY SAY THAT THE OLYMPIC COMMITEE WOULD NOT LET THEM JOIN THE CEREMONY LAST FRIDAY NIGHT IN THE PARADE OF WORLD TEAMS..THE BANGERS SAY THAT THEY WERE NOT REPRESENTING ANY COUNTRY BUT THEMSELVES CALLING THEMSLEVES THE BANGER INDEPENDENT TEAM THEY EVEN MADE A FLAG, BUT THE OLYMPIC COMMITEE SAY THEY WERE NOT RECOGNISED AS AN OFFICAL TEAM...............
Wednesday 1 August 2012
MORE.......
IF YOU FANCY A LUXURIOUS LOOKING BATHROOM WITH AN EN SUITE WELL BANGER CLAIMS THAT HIS NEW COMPANY COULD BE THE ONE FOR YOU. YES BANGER BATHROOMS HIS LATEST VENTURE PROMISES TO TRANSFORM YOUR BATHROOM IN TO A PALACE WITH A JACUZZI , SEVERAL WASH AREAS PLUS TOILET FACILITIES BUT THESE AT AN EXTRA COST.....BANGER BATHROOMS CALL TODAY FOR A QUOTE...,.DEAR O DEAR
MORE........
WELL ANDY & WICKY MET UP LAST NIGHT OVER SEVERAL PINTS OF DANDELION & BURDOCK AND SHANDYS, WE HEAR THE TWO OF THEM LAUGHED AND GOT ON LIKE OLD FRIENDS WE EVEN HEARD THAT WICKY THE WHITE VAN MAN WAS PERSUDAED IN TO SMOKONG A PIPE ABD ANDY HAS BEENNPROMISED SOME WOOD FROM WICKY FOR A JOB.WE HEAR THAT A PLAN IS IN PLACE TO TRAP LARRY AND BOTH ANDY & WICKY SHOOK HANDS AND SAID THEY WILL MEET UP ONCE A WERK AS IT WENT SO WELL AND NO HARD FEELINGS......DEAR O DEAR O DEAR
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