LATEST.........BUNTY ARRIVES AT HOSPITAL TO VISIT ANDY.......

WE HEAR BUNTY HAS CAUSED A COMMOTION AT THE HOSPITAL WHERE SHE WAS VISITING ANDY AS SHE WALKED IN THE WARD PUFFING ON A KINGSIZE CIGAR. WE ALSO HEAR SHE WAS OFFERING PATIENTS CIGARS SAYING HAVE A PUFF YOU'LL FEEL BETTER. MEANWHILE WE HE HEAR ANDY TOLD THE MATRON HOW VERY DARE YOU WHEN SHE TRIED TO WASH HIM..........

BREAKING..........ANDY INSULTS THE DOCTORS & NURSES

WELL BANGER MUST BE I'LL BECAUSE HE SAYS HE CAN'T REMEMBER ANYTHING AND SAYS HE NEEDS BETTY BUT AMAZINGLY HE STILL INSISTS HIS PIPE BE LIT BY A NURSE SEVERAL TIMES A DAY AS WELL AS CONSTANTLY ASKING FOR SAUSAGES. HE ALSO INSISTED HE HAVE HIS OWN PRIVATE ROOM AND HAS ASKED FOR NURSE BARNWELL ??????? ALSO OTHER PATIENTS SAY THEY CAN'T BREATHE BECAUSE OF PIPE SMOKE.......STOP OVER PLAYING THE PART BANGER WASTING NHS TIME ..........

BREAKING........LARRY SAYS HE DIDNT TOUCH ANDY WILL SEND HIM FLOWERS???????

NOW WE HEAR LARRY HAD TOLD SAT SUPREME THAT HE NEVER TOUCHED ANDY AND WILL SEND HIM FLOWERS. IN AN AMAZING TWIST HE SAID HES SORRY ANDYS BEEN HURT AND WISHED THE BANGER WELL. UNBELIEVABLE WHEN HE'S BEEN THREATENING ANDY FOR MONTHS.......WHATS GOING ON LARRY , AND WHAT'S WITH THE FLOWERS???????

LATEST...........ANDY IN HOSPITAL AFTER ATTACK

AFTER LAST WEEKENDS ATTACK BY WHITE VAN MAN ON ANDY WE HEAR ANDY HAD TO BE TAKEN TO HOSPITAL WHERE HE IS SAID TO BE UNDER OBSERVATION PROBABLY BECAUSE OF HIS MORE LIKE WHERE HE NEEDS HELP. WE HEAR HE HAS A BROKEN LEG BROKEN ARM AND CONCUSSION BUT WE HEAR HAS ALREADY BEEN ANNOYING THE PATIENTS. HE HAS BEEN WARNED FOR LIGHTING HIS PIPE IN THE WARDS CAUSING ARGUMENTS WE HEAR HE HAS ASKED FOR DR STAINES, THE NURSES SAY IT'S THE CONCUSSION MAKING HIM CONFUSED......DEAR O DEAR

LATEST..........ANDY IN HOSPITAL...... DETAILS LATER

EXCLUSIVE.......................LARRY IN UK

IF ITS NOT BAD ENOUGH WITH WHITE VAN MAN SEEMS ANDY HAS MORE WORRIES ON HIS HANDS AS SAT SUPREME CAN REVEAL THROUGH SOURCES THAT LARRY IS IN THE UK YET AGAIN WHO KNOWS WHAT HIS NEXT MOVE WILL BE??????

BREAKING.......................BUNTY AGAIN HOLDS UP TRAFFIC ON MAJOR MOTORWAY

WE HEAR THAT BUNTY HELD UP TRAFFIC ON THE BUSY M1 MOTORWAY FOR FOUR HOURS AFTER GOING FOR A RIDE ON HER HORSE YESTERDAY. THE MAIN PROBLEM SEEMED TO BE CIGAR SMOKE WHICH WAS BILLOWING ACROSS THE MOTORWAY CAUSING POOR VISIBILTY POLICE SAID.................

JUST IN..................ANDY RECORDS HOTTEST TEMP IN HIS GARDEN

ANDY BANGER THE SO CALLED WEATHER GENIUS SAYS HE HAS RECORDED IN HIS BACK GARDEN 100F TODAY ON THE WARMEST DAY OF THE YEAR, I KNOW ITS INCREDIBLE HE SAID BUT NOT UNUSUAL FOR FEBRUARY IN MY BACK GARDEN HE SAID......WHATEVER BANGER, CLEARLY OUT OF TOUCH

LATEST.................BASIL BARRICADES HIMSELF IN....

LATEST REPORTS SAY THAT BASIL BARRICADES HIMSELF IN WHAT HE CALLS HIS BUNKER IN FEAR OF REPRISAL ATTACKS FROM VERULAM.I HAVE MY FINGER ON THE NUCLEAR BUTTON HE SAYS AND I WONT HESITATE TO USE IT IF I AM ATTACKED....DEAR O DEAR O DEAR

BREAKING........................BUNTY TO BE NEW NAVIGATION VOICE?????

GETTING REPORTS THAT BUNTY COULD BE THE NEW VOICE OF THE NAVIGATION SYSTEM, WE HEAR SHE SENT A DEMO IN NOT SURE IF THIS WAS BEFORE OR AFTER A CIGAR BUT WE HEAR, HER VOICE HAS RECIEVED INTEREST....WELL WE MIGHT NEXT BE HEARING BUNTYS VOICE IN OUR VEHICLES................

LATEST...................ANDYS BUS TOURS.

WELL GET SET FOR ANDYS BUS TOURS, GARUANTEEING YOU THE RIDE OF YOUR LIFE, YES HE SAYS HE WILL DO BETTER THAN TOUR THE M25, HES SAYS HE WILL TOUR YOUR OWN ROAD, THATS IF THE BUS DOESNT BRAKE DOWN. HE TOLD SAT SUPREME HE WILL RE VISIT YOUR CHILDHOOD OR ROAD THAT YOU LIVE IN NOW, WHATS THE POINT OF THAT. WE HEAR HES CURRENTLY OFFERING A TOUR OF MR STAINES ROAD,LET ME TAKE YOUR ON THE MAGICAL OF MR STAINES AND THEN MR HALLS ROAD................DEAR O DEAR

BREAKING...........ANDY NOW TO START UP BUS TOURS.........DETAILS LATER

LATEST........ANDY DEMANDS TO KNOW WHY HE DIDN'T GET A BRIT AWARD!!!!!

ANDY HAS TODAY DEMANDED AN EXPLANATION AS TO WHY HE DIDN'T GET A BRIT AWARD AT LAST NIGHTS EVENT. ANDY SAID HE HAS MADE ENOUGH MASTERPIECES THAT HAVE BEEN HEARD ON BARNWELLS SHOW AND SAID HE IS A TRUE ARTIST AND LAST NIGHTS AWARDS WERE WASTED ON AMATUERS. IM BITTERLY DISSAPOINTED HE SAID. APPARANTLEY HE ALSO APPLIED TO THE HOST AS WELL.....DEAR O DEAR

BREAKING........FIRE BRIGADE CALLED TO BUNTY RESIDENCE

BUNTY HAD THE FIRE BRIGADE ARRIVE AT HER MANSION YESTERDAY . THEY WERE CALLED AFTER A RESIDENT CALLED THEM SAYING THEY SAW SMOKE COMING FROM BUNTYS WINDOWS. A FIREMAN TOLD SAT SUPREME BUNTY HAD LEFT A KINGSIZE CIGAR SMOKING WHILST IN THE BATH BUNTY HERSELF WAS SURPRISED TO SEE THE FIREMAN AFTER SHE OPENED THE DOOR SMOKING ANOTHER ONE, APPARANTLEY THE SMOKE WAS SO BAD SAID A RESIDENT IT WAS LIKE A FOG
THAT DESCENDED ON THE ROAD YOU COULD SEE ANYTHING.......,

LATEST........HAS ANDY FLIPPED?

WE HEAR ANDY HAS APPARANTLEY BEEN SEEN GOING AROUND THE STREETS OF ST ALBANS TODAY FLIPPING PANCAKES IN A FRYING PAN. ONE LADY SAID HE WAS VERY ARROGANT HE WAS PUFFING ON HIS PIPE AND WAS TELLING EVERYONE TO FLIP OFF......DEAR O DEAR

MORE UPDATES SOON ............

LATEST.................BUNTY RECIEVES COMPLAINTS OVER GROWING NUMBER OF UNDERAGE CIGAR SMOKERS..............

WE ARE HEARING THAT BUNTY HAS BEEN GETTING COMPLAINTS ABOUT THE NUMBER OF TEENAGE CIGAR SMOKERS THAT HAVE BEEN ON HER COURSE, PARENTS HAVE SAID MY DAUGHTERS AND SONS USED TO BE SUCH LOVELY CHILDREN UNTIL ONE DAY THEY WALKED THROUGH THE DOOR WITH A CIGAR IN THEIR MOUTHS, HOW DO YOU EXPLAIN THAT....WELL BUNTY WARNED YOU ALL ALONG.............

BREAKING..................BASIL TO BRING HIS ARMY TO RAID VERULAM THIS WEEKEND..............

WE ARE GETTING REPORTS BASIL IS HEADING FOR THE STUDIOS AGAIN THIS WEEKEND WITH HIS OWN ARMY, HE CLAIMS THEY ARE THE BASIL BRIGADE, SECURITY IS EXPECTED TO BE STEPPED UP AHEAD OF THE SHOW ON SATURDAY....

UPDATE.......................

ANDYS AUTOS NOW OFFERING SPECIAL OFFERS.........INCLUDING

MOT, FULL SERVICE, FOR 10,0000

OR WE WILL TAKE THE WHEELS OFF, HAVE THE CAR BACK FOR £9,000

THESE SPECIAL OFFERS
WONT LAST FOREVER......HURRY HE SAYS

DEAR O DEAR...............

LATEST..........GREAT DEALS ON ANDYS AUTOS........DETAILS LATER

LATEST.......THE ANDY APPRECIATION SOCIETY???????

NOW WOULD YOU BELIEVE ANDY IS STARTING UP AN APPRECIATION SOCIETY FOR HIMSELF . UNBELIEVABLY HE SAYS IF YOU LOVE MY SAUSAGES AND LOVE ME SHOW YOUR APPRECIATION FOR ME WITH THE ANDY APPRECIATION SOCIETY........DEAR O DEAR O DEAR

BREAKING........ANDY WINES & DINES BETTY FOR VALENTINES.........

WE HEAR BANGER HAS SPLASHED OUT IN STYLE FOR HIS VALENTINE BETTY BY ORDERING A HOT DOG AT A HOT DOG STOOL AND TWO CHAIRS TO EAT OUT. ALTHOUGH WE HEAR ANDY COMPLAINED BY SAYING IT'S NOTHING LIKE HE'S SAUSAGES AND DEMANDED A REFUND..... POOR BETTY HOW EMBARRASSING FOR HER..THE ARROGANCY OF THE MAN

LATEST ............BUNTY SAYS ANOTHER SUCCESS WITH HER CIGAR COURSE

MEANWHILE BUNTY SAYS ANOTHER HAS GRADUATED ON HER CIGAR COURSE A 90 YEAR OLD WOMAN IS NOW AN EXPERT CIGAR SMOKER. BUNTY SAID JUST A WEEK AGO SHE WAS A BEGINNER NOW SHE'S A CHAIN SMOKER . BUNTY SAYS ST LEAST SHE'S PUFFING MUCH BETTER NOW.......

BREAKING............ANDYS AUTOS??????

CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS ONE ANDY HAS BOUGHT A LOCAL GARAGE AND HAS BECOME A SECOND HAND CAR DEALER SPECIALISING IN MOGGY MINORS. REPORTS SAY ANDYS AUTOS HAS A LINE UP OF MOGGY MINORS OUTSIDE WITH SOME SPECIAL OFFERS.........DEAR O DEAR WHATEVER NEXT

UPDATES SOON..............

BREAKING NEWS........SAT SUPREME IS SADDENED TO LEARN THE NEWS OF THE DEATH OF THE LEGENDARY SINGER WHITNEY HOUSTON WHO'S MUSIC HAS SPANNED THE DECADES.........

LATEST....................SPECIAL REPORT

STEVEN HALL FROM THE ANDY HOUR TELLS US THAT HIS MOLE SAYS BANGER HAS BEEN IN A ROW OVER HIS SAUSAGES INSISTING HES ARE THE BEST, AND ANGRY THAT ANOTHER COMPANY TAKING HIS NAME. ALSO WE HEAR BUNTY WAS STOPPED BY THE POLICE WHEN SHE TOLD THEM SHE WAS ON THE WAY TO THE PALACE, NOW WHAT PALACE COULD THAT BE. ANDY WAS ALSO HAVEING SOME GRIEF ON THE ROADS FIRSTLY COS THE POLICE STOPPED HIM TOO INSISTING HIS MOGGY MINOR WAS NOT ROAD WORTHY, SECONDLY HE HAS HAD SOME ABUSE FROM A WHITE VAN MAN TELLING HIM TO GET THAT HEAP OF JUNK OFF THE ROAD. HE SHOUTED BACK HOW VERY DARE YOU.......THANKS STEVE

LATEST.....BANGER SPOTTED IN STOLEN SNOW PLOUGH EARLIER IN WEEK..........................

BREAKING......................ANDY CALLS BARNWELL AGAIN AT WORK TO RESCUE HIM IN THE SNOW

EARLIER THIS WEEK WE HEAR BARNWELL RECIEVED YET ANOTHER CALL AT WORK WHILST IN ANOTHER MEETING DEMANDING BARNWELL TO PICK HIM UP STRANDED IN THE SNOW....APPARANTLEY BARNWELL TOLD HIM DO ONE AND GET A SHOVEL TO DIG HIMSELF OUT........

BREAKING...............BUNTY HAILS HER CIGAR COURSES A SUCCESS

BUNTY SAYS HER CIGAR LESSONS ARE GOING VERY WELL, MORE YOUNGSTERS THAN EVER NOW ARE SMOKING CIGARS AND SOME ARE EVEN ON KING SIZE CIGARS, SHE SAYS ITS A BIG STEP FORWARD FOR THE FUTURE OF THE CIGAR...........

LATEST.................BASIL HEADING FOR VERULAM ON SAT IN TANK

Weather permitting, apparantley Basil banger said he will head for verulam studios on sat in Tank to launch another attack......dear o dear

LATEST.........FEARS GROW AS REPORTS THAT BASIL BANGER GETS A TANK????????

BREAKING.................ANDY SAYS NEVER MIND CELEBRATING HER MAJESTY CELEBRATE BETTYS DIAMOND JUBILEE FOR 100 YEARS........................

YES CAN YOU BELIEVE ANDY SAYS THE UK SHOULD CELEBRATE 100 YEARS OF BETTY YES HE SAID WE SHOULD CELEBRATE 100 YEARS OF BETTYS REIGN WHAT DOES SHE REIGN THE BANGER RESIDENCE???? .....OR WHAT ? SHES HARDLY ROYALTY ANDY...............

UPDATE..................

WE HEAR THAT ANDY TO SHED THE RESPONSIBILITY OF STEALING A SNOW PLOUGH HAS PARKED IT OUTSIDE DERECK STAINES HOUSE BEFORE MAKING A GETAWAY. WE HEAR HE HAS COMPLETELY DENIED ALL RESPONSIBILITY OF HAVING THE SNOW PLOUGH AT ALL AND SAID WELL IF ITS PARKED OUTSIDE MR STAINES HOUSE HE MUST HAVE BORROWED IT IN THE FIRST PLACE.......UNBELIEVABLE

LATEST...................ANDY ABANDONS SNOW PLOUGH OUTSIDE DERECKS HOUSE LEAVING HIM TO BLAME .........DETAILS LATER

BREAKING.......BUNTY ENROLS YOUNGEST PERSON FOF CIGAR LESSONS

WE HEAR BUNTY TODAY LAUNCHED HER CIGAR COURSES WITH THE YOUNGEST PERSON RVER TO SMOKE A CIGAR AGED JUST 10 YEARS OLD. BUNTY SAID THE YOUNGSTER IS PROGRESSING VERY WELL AND HAD 5 CIGARS IN THE FIRST HOUR.....DEAR O DEAR WHAT HAVE THE PARENTS GOT YO SAY BUNTY.

UPDATE........

GETTING REPORTS ANDY HAS STOLEN A SNOW PLOUGH TO TAKE THINGS IN TO HIS OWN HANDS TO CLEAR THE SNOW WHERE HE LIVES SO BETTY CAN MOW THE LAWN,WHAT IN FEB? RESIDENTS CLOSE BY REPORT DAMAGE TO THEIR PROPERTIES WITH FENCES AND WALLS BEING FLATTENED AND HOUSES DAMAGED. THE COUNCIL HAVE CONFIRMED THAT THEY HAVE A SNOW PLOUGH MISSING........

LATEST........ANDY SEEN DRIVING STOLEN SNOW PLOUGH........DETAILS LATER

LATEST........................ANDY PHONES BARNWELL DEMANDING TO BORROW HIS CAR YET AGAIN

WE HAVE JUST HEARD BARNWELL HAS RECIEVED ANOTHER CALL THIS EVENING DEMANDING TO USE HIS CAR IN THE MORNING AS HIS MOGGY MINOR HAS BROKENDOWN . HE ALSO TOLD BARNWELL THAT THAT HE SHOULD GET THE BUS FOR WORK....BARNWELL IS FUMING APPARANTLEY

DEVELOPING........................BUNTY OFFERS THE MANAGEMENT OF VERULAM A CIGAR EACH AS A TRUCE

UNBELIEVABLEY BUNTY HAS SAID THAT IN A BID TO EASE THE TENSION AND TO START A TRUCE SHE WILL OFFER ALL AT VERULAM A CIGAR TO GET EVERYONE ON GOOD TERMS AGAIN OVER LAST WEEKENDS TENSION WITH ANDY...EVEN THOSE THAT DONT SMOKE SHE SAID TRY IT YOULL ENJOY IT..............DEAR O DEAR O DEAR

BREAKING................ANDY DEMANDS AN APOLOGY FROM VERULAM

WE HEAR THAT ANDY BANGER IS DEMANDING AN APOLOGY FROM THE MANAGEMENT OF THE STATION OVER THE BANNING OF BASIL BANGER LAST WEEKEND FROM THE STATION AND SAYS ITS UNACCEPTABLE AND WILL NOT ATTEND UNLESS BASIL GETS AN APOLOGY.....

LATEST.............ADVICE ON HOW TO COPE WITH THE COLD WEATHER IN HERTS.....VISIT....WWW.STALBANS.GOV.UK FOR LATEST

UPDATE.......HERTS ON SNOW WATCH.......SEVERE WEATHER POSSIBLE THIS WEEKEND .......WATCH FOR UPDATES

EXCLUSIVE............NEW FEATURES COMING TO THIS WEEKS SHOW

BREAKING............BUNTY TO START UP CIGAR COURSES

BUNTY IS TO GIVE CIGAR LESSONS, YES SIGN UP TODAY SHE TOLD US FOR THE ULTIMATE CIGAR EXPERIENCE WITH ONE OF HER COURSES AND BEGINNERS ESPECIALLY WELCOME WITH A SPECIAL DISCOUNT........OH DEAR

SPECIAL REPORT..........ANDY HAS SECRET SAUSAGE STALL

STEVEN HALL FROM THE ANDY HOUR HAS TOLD US THAT WHILST ON A JOURNEY TO LONDON HE SPOTTED A SAUSAGE STALL CALLED BANGERS BROTHERS SAUSAGES. ANOTHER SECRET VENTURE OF ANDYS HAS BEEN REVEALED.......THANKS STEVE

UPDATE.......

BASIL THREATENS TO ATTACK THE STUDIOS AGAIN THIS SATURDAY. ANDY AND BUNTY SAY THEY WILL NOT APPEAR ON THIS WEEKS SHOW IF BASIL IS BANNED AGAIN, ANDY SAYS THERE WILL BE NO TROUBLE IF MR STAINES CAN BE TAKEN AS PRISONER ACCORDING TO BASIL......DEAR O DEAR

LATEST.........BASIL THREATENING TO ATTACK AGAIN THIS SATURDAY.......DETAILS LATER