Friday, 30 November 2012
BREAKING.......................ANDY ENFORCES A BRANWELL FREE ZONE AROUND HIS RESIDENCE??????
WE ARE HEARING TONIGHT THAT UNBELIEVABLY ANDY HAS WHAT HE CALLS ENFORCED A BARNWELL FREE ZONE AROUND HIS HOUSE, BECAUSE HE CANNOT AFFORD HE SAID TO COME IN TO CONTACT WITH HIM TO GET ANOTHER VIRUS AND GET EVEN WORSE SO HE HAS IMPOSED A 5 MILE RADIUS BAN............BARNWELL HAS REACTED TONIGHT AND SAID ITS LAUGHABLE............DEAR O DEAR
Thursday, 29 November 2012
LATEST..........................ANDYS SELF GUIDE FOR MYSTERY VIRUS..............
ANDY OR SHOULD WE SAY DOCTOR ANDY WHO HIMSELF WE SHOULD SAY IS APPARANTLET SICK AT PRESENT WITH A MYSTERY VIRUS HAS ISSUED A SELF HELP GUISE BOOKLET TO BE PUBLISHED FOR POSSIBLE AT RISK PATIENTS TO COMBAT THE VIRUS SHOULD IT STRIKE................... 1) EAT AS MANY SAUSAGES AS POSSIBLE EVEN IF YOURE NOT HUNGRY DONT STOP 2) DOSE YOURSELF UP ON DANDELION & BURDOCK 3)IF FEELING VERY ILL CALL A BETTY. 
DO YOU REALLY THINK THIS WILL HELP ANDY????????
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BUNTY IS THE LATEST VICTIM OF THE BUG SWEEPING THE BANGER HOUSEHOLD, APPARANTLEY SHE CLLAPSED WHILST SMOKING A CIGAR ANN GIVING ONE OF HER HORSES A GROOMING. A CONCERNED NEIGHBOUR CALLED A DOCTOR AND TOLD HER TO REST AND ABSOLUTELY NO CIGARS......WE HEAR SHES RESTING IN BED WITH ANOTHER CIGAR UNDER DOCTORS ORDERS..........
UPDATE....................
ONE MINUTE ANDY IS SAYING HE DOSENT WANT TO COME IN THIS WEEK ON THE SHOW, THE NEXT HE WANTS THE SHOW NOW TO BE BROADCAST LIVE FROM HIS BEDROON, BUT HES SAID KEEP THAT INFECTIOUS BARNWELL AWAY FROM ME HE CAN STAY AT THE OTHER SIDE OF THE ROOM............WHAT IS HE LIKE????
LATEST...............................
WE HEAR ANDY IS TO MISS THIS WEEKS SHOW YET AGAIN, CLAIMIMG HES TOO ILL TO APPAR ON THE SHOW BLAMING BARNWELL FOR GETTING SICK, WE ALSO HEAR BUNTY IS KEEPING HER DISATNCE TOO.............
Wednesday, 28 November 2012
UPDATE.....................
WITH ANDY SUFFERING FROM WHAT HE CLAIMS A DEADLY VIRUS THANKS TO BARNWELL, WE HEAR HE RANG THE BRITISH MEDICAL ASSOCIATION TODAY SAYING HE WOULD BE PREPAERD TO OFFER HIS BODY FOR SERVICES FOR TRIALS PROVIDING THEY PAY HIM MILLIONS, IN ORDER TO FIND OUT WHATS WRONG WITH HIM AS HE BELIEVES HE IS SUFFERING FROM THE WORLDS FIRST STRANGEST VIRUS THAT NO ONE HAS EVER HAD.......THE BRITISH MEDICAL ASSOCIATION SPOKESMAN SAID NO THANKS UITE UICKLY AND SAID GET WELL SOON...............
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BARNWELL RECIEVED AN UNPEASANT SURPRISE PHONE CALL TODAY FROM A SO CALLED SICK ANDY BLAMING HIM FOR THE VIRUS, AND DEMANDING HE COME OUT ON DOCTOR CALL TO SEE HIM AND WOULD YOU BELIEVE EXAMINE HIM .......NEEDLESS TO SAY BARNWELL SLAMMED THE PHONE DOWN AS YET AGAIN HE WAS IN ANOTHER MEETING AT THE TIME............
Tuesday, 27 November 2012
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BUNTY IS LOOKING FOR A NEW MANSION SHE SAYS IT MUST HAVE AN ADJACENT RACE COURSE OF COURSE AS WELL AS 4 BEDROOMS AND 4 BATHROOMS FOR HER AND HER HORSES. SHE ALSO INSIST IT MUST HAVE A SMOKING ARE FOR HER AND THE HORSES, AND EACH HORSE TO ALSO HAVE ITS OWN JACUZZI..............DEAR O DEAR
UPDATE.........................
YES ANDY WOULD YOU BELIEVE ONCE AGAIN IN A BID TO BEAT THE UK HEADLINES ON FLOODING HAS ISSUED A FLOOD WARNING FOR HIS BATHROOM FROM HIS SICK BED. HE SAID FLOODING IS LIKELY WHN BETTY HAS A BATH LATER AND COULD CAUSE A TIDAL WAVE, HE URGED PEOPLE TO LISTEN FOR UPDATES.............POOR BETTY
Monday, 26 November 2012
UPDATE.......,,
WE HEAR ANDY HAS REALLY BEEN LAYING IT ON THICK WHILST BEING SUPPOSEDLY POORLY IN BED OR AT LEAST THAT'S WHAT HE'S BEEN TELLING EVERYBODY. HE CLAIMS HE'S SO ILL THAT HE GOT BETTY TO CALL A DOCTOR OUT. FIRZT HE ASKED FOR DOCTOR STAINES AND THEN DOCTOR BARNWELL BETTY SAYS HE'S BEEN DELIRIOUS. STRANGE THOUGH HE SAYS THE DOCTOR HAS TOLD HIM TO INCREASE THE AMOUNT OF PUFFS HE TAKES ON HIS PIPE TO HELP HIM GET BETTER......DEAR O DEAR
Sunday, 25 November 2012
Wednesday, 21 November 2012
Friday, 16 November 2012
UPDATE......................
ANDY HAS BEEN CHUCKED OUT BY BETTY HE PHONED BARNWELL AND ASKED IF HE COULD COME AND STAY WITH HIM FOR THE NIGHT AFTER HES POODLE BIT BETTY. IT WAS BAD ENOUGH THAT HE ASKED BARNWELL TO COME AND STAY WITH HIM BUT HE ALSO HAD THE CHEEK TO ASK IF HIS DOG COULD STAY TOO....OBVIOUSLY HE WAS TURNED DOWN AND TONIGHT ITS NOT CLEAR WHERE ANDY IS STAYING...........
UPDATE.........
YES WE ANDY WOULD YOU BELIEVE IS GOING AROUND DRESSED AS PUDSEY BEAR UNBELIEVABLE AS IT SEEMS WE HEAR CHILDREN ARE CONFUSED SAYING IT'S PUDSEY WITH A PIPE. WE HEAR THERE IS SOME CONFUSION AS TO WHO IS THE REAL PUDSEY WELL THAT'S THE ONE WITHOUT THE PIPE.......
Thursday, 15 November 2012
UPDATE...............PC BANGER
HOW WOULD YOU LIKE A KNOCK ON YOUR STREET DOOR FROM PC BANGER.. WELL WE HEAR HES NOW GOING AROUND ASKING PEOPLE TO VOTE FOR HIM SO HE CAN BECOME A POLICEMAN. ONE WOMAN REPLIED TO HIM TODAY WHEN HE ASKED HER TO VOTE SHE SAID..YOU SHOULD BE BEHIND BARS THE WAY YOU TREAT YOUR BETTY..HE REPLIED IF YOUR NOT CAREFUL I WILL MAKE A CITIZENS ARREST.........NOW NOW NOW ANDY
Wednesday, 14 November 2012
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ANDY HAS HIT BACK AT BUNTY THIS EVENING ACCUSING HER OF BEING JEALOUS OF HIS POODLE AND GOING THROUGH THE MENOPAUSE, AFTER SHE SLAMMED ANDY FOR LEAVING HIS DOG WENT WENT ON THE RAMPAGE BITING HER DAUGHER FELICITY AND SCARING THE THREE HORSES. ANDY REPEATEDLY SAID THAT HIS DOG BITES PEOPLE OUT OF AFFECTION?????..... BUNTY HAS NOW BANNED THE POODLE AND ANDY UNTIL HE GETS RID OF THE ANIMAL...........
Tuesday, 13 November 2012
MORE.......
BANGER WOULD YOU BELIEVE TO OVER RIDE THE HEADLINES AGAIN WITH CHILDREN IN NEED THIS WEEK IS LAUNCHING BANGER IN NEED PLEASE GIVE GENEROUSLY HE IS TELLING THE PUBLIC OF ST ALBANS. TIMES ARE HARD HE SAYS LOOK AFTER YOUR BANGER AND GIVE WHAT YOU CAN......DEAR O DEAR
Monday, 12 November 2012
MORE.........
STEVEN HALL FROM THE SOLID GOLD MUSIC SHOW & ANDY HOUR BROKE THIS NEWS TO US FIRST BUT IT TURNS OUT THAT BUNTY HAS DECIDED TO INVITE BARNWELL, DERECK ANS STEVE BUT NOT ANDY TO CHRISTMAS DINNER AT HER MANSION MUCH TO THE ANNOYANCE WE HEAR OF ANDY WHO WANTED TO INVITE THEM TO HUS FOR CHRISTMAS MEAL APPARANYKEY THEY HAVE BOTH FALLEN OUT......THANKS STEVE FOR REPORT
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ANDY HAS ARRIVED BACK IN THE UK WITH NOTHING ACCOMPLISHED. INSTEAD HE HAS HAD TO COME BACK EARLY AS HIS GAURDS DOG POODLE HAS BEEN CAUSING CHAOS BY GOING ON THE RAMPAGE AND BITING FELICITY TWICE. A VERY ANNOYED BUNTY HAS BLAMED ANDY FOR GOING OFF AND LEAVING HIS POODLE ON IT'S OWN . ANDY SAID BITING FELICITY WAS A SIGN OF IT'S AFFECTION........DEAR O DEAR
Sunday, 11 November 2012
Thursday, 8 November 2012
LATEST..........................
WOULD YOU BELIEVE IT, ITS UNBELIEVABLE ENOUGH THAT BANGER IS HEADING TO THE US TO SORT OUT WHAT HE CALLS THE ELECTION FIASCO AND THINKS THAT HE CAN GET A RECALL, BUT IN MID AIR HE STUPIDLY CALLS BUNTY TO TAKE CARE OF THINGS ON THE GROUND BACK HOME, AND HE CAUSED A NEAR MISS WITH AN ONCOMING BOEING 747. THE PILOT COULD NOT BELIEVE IT WHEN THE NAVIGATION STARTED TAKING HIM TOWARDS THE ONCOMING PLANE.......ONCE TOLD ABOUT THE CHAOS ANDY SAID RELAX IT DIDNT HAPPEN ANYWAY HAVE A SAUSAG AND IF YOU CANT FLY THE PLANE ILL TAKE OVER ..............DEAR O DEAR O DEAR
Wednesday, 7 November 2012
UPDATE.............
BUNTY TO WRITE A NEW NOVEL ABOUT HER TRAVELS IN THE UK. APPARANTLET SHE SAYS SHE HAS TOURED FAR AND WIDE AND GIVE IN PARTICULAR WIDE KNOWLEDGE ON GOOD HORSING LAND .........CANT WAIT BUNTY
Tuesday, 6 November 2012
Monday, 5 November 2012
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WELL SO MUCH FOR THE MUCH TALKED ABOUT BANGERS BIG DISPLAY. WE HEAR THAT THE ONE ROCKET HE HAD WHEN LAUNCHED WENT THROUGH THE NEIGHBOURS KITCHEN AND THE SPARKLER DIDNT LIGHT AT ALL......ALSO BETTY THE GUY RAISED 52 PENCE AND WE HEAR THAT POOR BETTY OR MRS GUY FAWKES AS SHE WAS NICKNAMED CRUELLY BY ANDY WAS EXHAUSTED EVEN MORE SO BY PEOPLE THROWING EGGS AT HER.....TO TOP IT ALL A BONFIRE WAS LIT WHICH SPREAD AND SET FIRE TO NEXT DOORS FENCE AGAIN, 6 FIRE ENINES WWERE CALLED..........THE COUNCIL HAS LAUNCHED AN INQUIRY.......
AS PROMISED................PENNY FOR THE BETTY????
Friday, 2 November 2012
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ANDY SAYS HES HAD CONFIRMATION FROM HIS ELECTION BANGER CAMP IN AMERICA (UNKNOWN) THAT HE IS CURRENTLY LEADING IN THE POLL STAKES AHEAD OF HIS OTHER CANDIDATES, AND HES TELLING PEOPLE IN AMERICA HE WILL SOON BE THE NEXT PRESIDENT.............
Thursday, 1 November 2012
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BETTY IS TO PLAY THE PART OF THE GUY, AT BANGERS FIREWORK DISPLAY ON MONDAY. WE HEAR SHE WILL STAND IN THE FIELD STUFFED WITH STRAW WHILST ANDY ASKS PEOPLE TO GIVE MONEY FOR HER.........DEAR O DEAR POOR BETTY
LATEST.................
THE MUCH TALKED ABOUT BANGER DISPLAY IS STILL TO GO AHEAD DESPITE COUNCIL OBJECTIONS.....SAT SUPREME TOLD YOU ABOUT THE GREAT BANGER DISPLAY IN EARLY OCTOBER, IT SEEMS THAT ANDY IS GOING TO GO AHEAD WITH THE EVENT DESPITE OBJECTIONS AND FEARS OF COMPLAINTS AS WELL AS SAFETY ISSUES.....APPARANTLEY INVITATIONS HAVE BEEN SENT TO THE SELECT FEW OR YOU CAN PAY UPFRONT OR ON THE GATE AT BANGERS FIELD ON NOV 5TH, ALTHOUGH HES TOLD US THAT MR STAINES FROM THE SOLID GOLD MUSIC SHOW HAS BEEN BANNED DUE TO INSUFFICENT FUNDS WHEN PAYMENT WAS TAKEN....WE ASKED WHERE IS THIS HUGE EVENT TAKING PLACE HE SAID HI FOLLOWERS WILL KNOW WHERE HE IS OTHERWISE ITS AT BANGERS FIELD, BANGERS LANE, BANGERS HATCH, HERTS?????? WHERES THAT ???.... WE SAY YOU SHOULDNT BOTH AS IT WILL ONLY BE A ONE SPARKLER DISPLAY... DEAR O DEAR 
UPDATE................
FAR QUAR THE SAT SUPREME PRODUCER HAS TOLD US THAT ESSENTIAL STUDIO MAINTENENCE WORK WILL HAVE TO TAKE PLCAE ON SAT. THE PRODUCTION STUDIO IS TO BE EXTENDED AND HE HAS WARNED IT COULD BE A SOMEWHAT NOISY SHOW..............
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AN UNKNOWN SOURCE HAS TOLD US THAT ANDY WAS APPROACHED BY PIERS MORGAN A YEAR AGO TO APPEAR ON HIS LIFE STORIES . WE UNDERSTAND THE SHOW WAS BEING FILMED WHEN PIERS MORGAN BROUGHT UP THE SUBJECT OF SKELETONS IN THE CLOSET WITH DOLLS WHEN HE WAS YOUNGER HE THEN STRORMED OFF AND THE SHOW WE UNDERSTAND WAS CANCELLED.........
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