BREAKING...............ANDY TAKING ADVANTAGE OF FUEL CRISIS

ANDY HAS BEEN GIVING OUT CHEAP ANDYS FUEL IN HERTS WITH SCORES OF DRIVERS BECOMING VULNERABLE AND BREAKING DOWN THE RAC AND AA HAVE BLAMED BANGER FOR A HUGE NUMBER OF BREAKDOWNS IN THE COUNTY. THEY SAY THE FUEL MIX IS DEADLY HIGHLY DAMAGING..............AND STILL HES SELLS IT.....

YET MORE NEW FEATURES/CHARACTERS ON SATURDAY SUPREME.................

BREAKING..................BETTY TOURS HERTS IN MOGGY MINOR................

ON THE DAY THAT THE QUEEN TOURED VARIOUS PARTS OF LONDON AS PART OF HER DIAMOND JUBILEE , WOULD YOU BELIEVE ANDY HAS SAID THAT BETTY TO CELEBRATE THE BANGERS JUBILEE HAS BEEN TOURING PARTS OF THE COUNTY IN A THE MOGGY MINOR WAVING TO THE PUBLIC. BUT AT ONE STAGE THE MOGGY MINOR BROKE DOWN ON ANDYS OWN ANDYS FUEL, MUCH TO THE ANNOYANCE OF BARNWELL WHO WAS ONCE AGAIN THIS TIME CALLED AT WORK TO TOW THE MOOGY MINOR, WHICH OF COURSE HE REJECTED.........

UPDATE..................

AMID THE GROWING FUEL CRISIS, BUNTY URGED THE PUBLIC TO BUY A HORSE AND MAKE THAT THEIR EVERYDAY TRANSPORT, ITS THE ONLY WAY TO GET AROUND, AND CONDOR , MANIKIN, AND HAMLET ONLY DRINK 2 GALLONS A DAY, NOT OF FUEL WE HOPE BUNTY?????

BREAKING.......BUNTY SAYS EVERYONE SHOULD GET A HORSE TO BEAT FUEL CRISIS.......DETAILS LATER

BREAKING..........ANDY CONTACTS BRITIANS GOT TALENT .......

WE HEAR ANDY HAS CONTACTED ITVS BRITIANS GOT TALENT SO THAT HE AND BETTY CAN DO THEIR ACT. APPARANTLEY HE TOLD ONE OF THE JUDGES HE AND BETTY WERE VERY TALENTED AND BETTY WAS A VERY GOOD JUGGLER AND ANDY A FIRE EATER. HE ALSO SAID HE DID BRILLIANT EXPERT PIPE ACT, ANYWAY AFTER OBVIOUSLY GETTING REJECTED HE THEN CRITICISED COWELLS JUDGING AND SAID HE COULD BE A MUCH BETTER JUDGE THAN HIM . ON HEARING THIS THE JUDGE HUNG UP ON HIM ......DEAR O DEAR ANDY

LATEST...............

AND HAS BEEN PHONING BARNWELL AGAIN WE HEAR LAST NIGHT HE CALLED HIM AFTER MIDNIGHT WHILST HE WAS IN BED AND PERSISTANTLY RANG UNTIL HE EVENTUALLY ANSWERED IN THE WEE SMALL HOURS, DEMANDING HE PICK HIM UP IN HIS MOGGY MINOR WHICH APPARANTLEY BROKE DOWN AGAIN, AND ALSO TERRIFIED THAT WHITE VAN HAD GONE PAST HIM AND WAS FOLLOWING HIM.....BARNWELL PUT THE PHONE DOWN ON HIM....

UPDATE.......................

HOW PREDICTABLE IS THIS, ANDY BANGER AFTER HEARING THAT THE PETROL TANKERS COULD BE GOING ON STRIKE SAYS HE WILL BE THERE TO SALVAGE OUT THE DRIVERS BY SUPPLYING THEM WITH HIS OWN FUEL, BUT MAY WE REMIND YOU THIS IS A DEADLY MIX THAT CAN HARM CAR ENGINES AND SHOULD NOT BE BOUGHT ANYWHERE.........

BREAKING........ANDY TO CASH IN FUEL CRISIS

UPDATE........

WOULD YOU BELIEVE IT BANGER AFTER HEARING THAT ENGLEBERT HUMPERDINCK IS REPRESENTING THE UK THIS YEAR AT THE EUROVISION US FURIOUS, SAYING THAT HE WILL MAKE A SONG TO PUT FORWARD AS THE UK ENTRY. HE WENT ON TO SAY I CAN SING BETTER THAN THAT HUMPERDINCK. DEAR O DEAR WHAT WILL HE COME UP WITH NOW?

BREAKING........ANDY TO ENTER EURIVISION?????....DETAILS SOON!

LATEST.....................ANDY CLAIMS HE SAW MR STAINES ON ROLLER SKATES TODAY

ANDY HAS TOLD POLICE THAT HE THINKS HE SAW MR STAINES ON HIS ROLLER SKATES GOING DOWN ST ALBANS HIGH STREET TODAY..HE SAID HES DOING THIS TO GET BACK AT ME, WHY DOESNT HE GET HIS OWN PAIR INSTEAD OF TAKING A SICK MANS PAIR....SHAME ON MR STAINES HE SAID.......DEAR O DEAR

UPDATE.............

ANDYS MISSING ROLLER SKATES.......HAD THEM SINCE HE WAS 14.....DEAR O DEAR

ANDY HAS MADE AN APPEAL FOR HIS ROLLER SKATES WHICH WERE STOLEN EARLIER THIS WEEK. AS WELL AS THAT HE SAID ANYBODY WITHA NY INFORMATION ON THE SUSPECT WHO TOOK THEM WILL BE AWARDED FOR THEIR TIME....GUESS WHAT THE REWARD IS...WELL WITH THE SOUTH EAST OF ENGLAND IN A DROUGHT HE WILL LET THE PERSON WHO COMES FORWARD WHO SPEAKS OUT WITH INFO HAVE UNLIMITED WATER SUPPLY FROM HIS POND IN HIS FIELD IN A WATERING CAN.................UNBELIEVABLE WHO IS GOING TO BOTHER????????

BREAKING........BUNTY SAYS CONDOR NOW HAS CIGAR ADDICTION

HEARING TONIGHT BUNTY SAYS CONDOR NOW HAS AN ADDICTION TO CIGARS SMOKING AT LEAST 20 A DAY SHE SAYS SHE HAS BOOKED HIM IN TO SEE A COUNSELLOR TO HELP HIM WITH HIS ADDICTION.......

LATEST.........THE ANDY BUDGET.....

EARLIER TODAY THE ANDY BUDGET WAS RELEASED AS ANDY SET OUT HIS ALTERNATIVE BUDGET IN A SPEECH AT THE BANGER RESIDENCE BEFORE BETTY.... THERE DOES NOT SEEM MUCH CHEER.......

THE MAIN POINTS......

SAUSAGES TO BE FROZEN?????.....BUT THEY ARE SOMETIMES ANDY BRFORE YOU COOK THEM ANYWAY?

DANDELION & BURDOCK ....PRICE TO BE UNCHANGED....ONLY BECAUSE HE DRINKS SO MUCH OF IT

PIPES & TOBACCO.....PRICES TO BE CUT.....WHAT A SURPRISE

FREE BETTY TAX.......WHATEVER THAT MEANS

CIGARS .....PRICES TO BE CUT....ANOTHER SURPRISE, PROBABLY PRESSURE FROM BUNTY

BUT.....FUEL TO BE INCREASED....BUT NOT ANDYS FUELS

AND INCOME TAX TO INCREASED BY 20 PER CENT, ANDY SAID IT'S BEEN A DIFFICULT YEAR AND PROFITS ARE DOWN....HE PROPOSES THIS TO HIS PUBLIC HE SAID .....

DEAR O DEAR......YOU CAN STICK IT ANDY

UPDATE..........ANDYS ROLLER SKATES MISSING........

ANDY WE HEAR IS FURIOUS THAT HE'S ROLLER SKATES HAVE BEEN STOLEN HE SAID HE LEFT THEM OUTSIDE HIS BACKDOOR LAST NIGHT AFTER BETTY SAID THAT THEY SMELT NOW THEY ARE MISSING.WHO'S GOT MY SKATES HE SAID I NEED THEM TO GET AROUND AS HE CANT WALK AFTER BEING HOSITALISED. APPARANTLEY HE HAS ACCUSED EVERYONE FROM BARNWELL TO MR STAINES TO MR HALL OF TAKING THEM. I CAN'T BELIEVE THEY WOULD DO THIS TO ME HE SAID HE EVEN WOULD NOT RULE THAT BIT OF A BARRY TAKING THEM AS HE CALLS HIM.........

BREAKING.........ANDYS ROLLER SKATES STOLEN ......DETAILS LATER

UPDATE............

WE HEAR ANDY IS PREPARING HIS OWN BUDGET AND HAS SAID WE SHOULD BE PREPARED FOR SOME TOUGH CUTBACKS ALTHOUGH HE DIDN'T SAY ON WHAT.TOUGH TALK BUT WE WILL HAVE TO WAIT & SED LATER IN THE WEEKZ.........

BREAKING...........ANDY PREPARING TO DELIVER HIS OWN BUDGET

MORE UPDATES SOON...............

LATEST...............BUNTY TO GIVE CIGAR TOURS

TONIGHT WE HEAR THAT BUNTY IS TO START UP CIGAR TOURS. APPARANTLEY EVRYBODY LIGHTS UP BEFORE THEY GO ON A WALK, THEN EVERYBODY MUST SMOKE ON THE TOUR, THESE CIGAR TOURS BUNTY SAYS WILL BE SOMETHING STARTING UP IN APRIL.....UNLESS THE IDEA GOES UP IN SMOKE BUNTY?

BREAKING....................ANDY TO SUE NHS

WELL, ANDY BANGER SAYS HE WILL BE SUING THE NHS FOR CHUCKING HIM OUT OF HOSPITAL BEFORE TIME AND NOT GIVING ADEQUATE CARE AND ATTENTION, HE SAYS HIS SECRETARY BETTY WHO HAS A FAST SHORTHAND OF AT LEAST ONE WORD PER MINUTE WILL BE ON THE CASE AND WILL BE SENDING A LETTER TO HIS SOLICITOR ASAP......OH DEAR

LATEST.................BASIL TRIUMPANT OVER ANDY RELEASE

BASIL CLAIMS HE HAS WON THE WAR AGAINST THE HOSPITAL WHERE ANDY WAS HELD, APPPARANTLEY HE HAS PUT UP A FLAG ON HIS HOUSE ROOF SAYING VICTORY............DEAR O DEAR

UPDATE...............

ANDY LEFT HOSPITAL TODAY ON A HORSE WITH BUNTY, THIS FOLLOWED A REJECTION FROM BARNWELL TO PICK HIM UP, AND NO CAB COMPANY IN THE AREA WILL PICK HIM UP THEY SAID FOLLOWING RECENT COMPLAINTS OF SMOKING HIS PIPE IN CABS IN THE PAST.

WE HEAR UPON BUNTY PICKING ANDY UP, HE NEARLY FELL BACKWARDS OFF THE HORSE, AS WELL AS THAT THE TWO WERE STOPPED BY POLICE WHO QUESTIONED THEM AND ONCE AGAIN ANDY TURNED ON THE FLANNEL, BY SAYING HE WAS FIRSTLY A VERY SICK MAN ON HIS WAY HOME, AND THEN SECONDLY SAYING THAT HE ALSO WAS A POLICE OFFICER. POLICE STOPPED THEM BECAUSE BOTH WERE USING THE ROAD SMOKING A PIPE AND CIGAR BUT MORE ALARMING WAS THAT CONDOR THE HORSE WASSMOKING TOO, POLICE SAID THAT IT WAS AN UNACCEPTABLE ACT, DIDNT STOP BUNTY OFFERING THE OFFICER A CIGAR THOUGH. TONIGHT ANDY AFTER 2 WEEKS IS BACK RESTING AT THE BANGER RESIDENCE, BUT AIMS TO BE ON THE SHOW THIS SATURDAY.................

UPDATE...........

WE HEAR THAT HOSPITAL OFFICIALS HAVE DECIDED TO DISCHARGE ANDY FROM TOMORROW AFTER ALL THE TROUBLE HE AND HIS FAMILY HAVE CAUSED, THEY CANNOT PUT THE SECURITY OF THE HOSPITAL AND PATIENTS AT RISK ANY LONGER. UPON HEARING THE NEWS ANDY SAID TO THE DOCTORS YOU CHUCKING ME OUT. A SICK CITIZEN OF THE SOCIETY WHO NEEDS CARE. HOW VERY DARE YOU HE TOLD THEM DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM HE WENT ON I AM LORD BANGER AND RADIO VERULAM PRESENTER? SINCE WHEN ANDY? DOCTORS SAY ANDYS CONDITION HAS IMPROVED BECAUSE HE HAS BEEN TORMENTING THE OTHER PARIENTS AS WELL AS GETTING THEM IN TO TROUBLE HE EVEN PULLED YHE TUBES OUT OF ONE ELDERLY LADY.....MEANWHILE INCREDIBLEY HE HAD THE NERVE TO RING BARNWELL AT WORK YET AGAIN WHO LOST OUT ON A MAJOR DEAL BECAUSE HE HAD TO TAKE A CALL FROM BANGER SAYING HE WANTED TO BOOK BARNWELLS CAR TO PICK HIM UP AT A CERTAIN TIME TOMORROW.......BARNWELL SAID, BANGERS OBVIOUSLY FEELING BETTER AND WASTING NHS TIME......

LATEST................. A PIC OF BUNTY CAPTURED AS SHE RETURNS FROM HER BREAK TANNED & OF COURSE WITH A BIGGER THAN EVER CIGAR

UPDATE.................

REPORTS TONIGHT OF A SERIOUS DISTURBANCE AT THE HOSPITAL WHERE ANDY IS. WE BELIEVE BASIL HAS LAUNCHED AN ASSAULT ON THE HOSPITAL, THESE INCLUDE FLOWER BOMBS, PAINT BOMBS, SMOKE BOMBS TOO AND WATER PISTOL ATTACKS ON NURSES AND DOCTORS, THE HOSPITAL HAS BEEN CLOSED IMMEDIATELY............ MORE AS WE GET IT

BREAKING .......HOSPITAL UNDER BANGER SIEGE........

SINCE BUNTY HAS BEEN OFFERING PATIENTS CIGARS ON HER VISITS TO ANDY THE HOSPITAL HAS NOW BEEN PUT ON ALERT AFTER PATIENTS HAVE BEEN LIGHTING UP CIGARS. APPARANTLEY PATIENTS HAVE BEEN HAVING A LATE NIGHT SMOKE OR EVEN DURING THE NIGHT SETTING OFF FIRE ALARMS OFFICIALS SAY........

ANDY QUESTIONED BY HOSPITAL OFFICIALS OVER TRYING TO WALK OUT IN DOCTORS UNIFORM

WE HEAR THAT UNDER HAS BEEN QUESTIONED OVER TRYING TO WALK OUT IN A DOCTORS UNIFORM THE WEEKEND. ANDY TOLD OFFICIALS THAT DR STAINES OF SURGEON HALL LENT IT TO HIM BUT HE CANT REMEMBER WHICH ONE. AFTER HEARING THIS DOCTORS DECIDED TO KEEP ANDY IN ON SANITY GROUNDS AND FEARED THAT HE HAD NOT RECOVERED FROM HIS CONCUSSION. THEY ARRANGED FOR HIM TO SEE THE HOSPITAL PSYCHIATRIST , AND TODAY ANDY HAD HIS FIRST SESSION BUT WOULD YOU BELIEVE HE WAS ASKING THE PSYCHIATRIST QUESTIONS HE ASKED HIM TO TELL HIM ABOUT HIS CHILDHOOD AND THEN SAID HE NEEDED HELP AND WOULD NEED MORE SESSIONS.......DEAR O DEAR IT'S YOU THAT NEEDS HELP ANDY

LATEST.......................ANDY TO BE DETAINED OVER THE WEEKEND

WE HAR DOCTORS HAVE MADE A DECISION TO KEEP ANDY IN UNDER OBSERVATION THIS WEEKEND UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE, DUE TO HIS IRRATIONAL BEHAVIOUR.MEANWHILE BUNTY HAS NOW BEEN BANNED FROM THE HOSPITAL BECAUSE OF HER CONSTANT CIGAR SMOING, AND WE ALSO HEAR SHE TRIED TO ENTER THE HOSPITAL BY HORSE...UNBELIEVALE

BASIL THREATENS ATTACK ON HOSPITAL DETAINING ANDY.................

BASIL BANGER HAS THREATENED AN ATTACK ON THE HOSPITAL DETAINING ANDY ON HEALTH GROUNDS. APPARANTLEY HES TOLD THE HOSPITAL RELEASE MY BROTHER OR YOULL ALL GET FLOWE BOMBED.........SECURITY HAS BEEN STEPPED UP AT THE HOSPITAL.............DEAR O DEAR

UPDATE..........ANDY THE DOCTOR

AN INQUIRY HAS BEEN LAUNCHED AFTER ANDY BANGER BEING A PATIENT AT THE HOSPITAL TRIED TO WALK OUT DRESSED IN A DOCTORS UNIFORM. WE HEAR HE TOLD THE HOSPITAL RECEPTION AS HE TRIED TO LEAVE IVE FINNISHED MY SHIFT CHECK THE PATIENT IN B WARD HE NEEDS BLOOD TESTS. THE RECEPTIONIST RECOGNISED BANGER AND ALERTED SECURITY TO TAKE HIM BACK TO HIS WARD. ANDY HAS NOW BEEN KEPT IN TO REVIEW HIS MENTAL HEALTH AT THE HOSPITAL IN QUESTION WHICH WE CANNOT NAME FOR LEGAL REASONS..............

LATEST..............ANDY ATTEMPTS A BREAKOUT!!!

WE HEAR ANDY STILL IN HOSPITAL FOR OBSERVATION, TRIED TO ESCAPE LAST NIGHT. HE WAS CAUGHT ATTEMPTING TO TRY AND GET OUT OF THE NEARBY WINDOW TO HIS BED WITH HIS PIPE IN HIS MOUTH BUT AS HE PUT ONE LEG OUT OF THE WINDOW HE FELL BACK AND FELL ON TOP OF ANOTHER PATIENT IN HIS BED THEN BLAMED THE PATIENT SAYING HOW VERY DARE YOU. THE NURSE THEN TRIED TO SEDATE ANDY BY GIVING HIM A NEEDLE INJECTION WHICH HE ALSO MANAGED TO DODGE....WE BELIEVE ANDY MAY BE RELEASED IN THE NEXT COUPLE OF DAYS AS HIS CONDITION HAS IMPROVDE, BUT NOT IN HIS HEAD..........

BREAKING .......................ANDY TO MISS THIS WEEKS SHOW

WE CAN CONFIRM THAT ANDY WILL NOT BE ON THIS WEEKS SHOW. DOCTORS HAVE CONFIRMED HE WILL STAY IN HOSPITAL UNDER OBSERVATION, UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE.........

BREAKING...............BUNTY SETS OFF HOSPITAL FIRE ALARM

WE HEAR THAT BUNTY ON ANOTHER VISIT TO THE HOSPITAL WHERE ANDY IS RECOVERING SET OFF THE FIRE ALARM, BY A BIGGER THAN EVER CIGAR SHE WAS SMOKING WHEN SHE WALKED IN WE HEAR SHE WAS SURROUNDED BY SECURITY TO PUT IT OUT THIS TIME . BUNTY SAID IT WAS A FUSS ALL OVER NOTHING AND PEOPLE SHOULD RELAX AND TRY A CIGAR..............

BREAKING....................BASIL THREATENS MOTHER OF ALL WARS

BASIL SAYS THAT THE WAR AGAINST VERULAM WILL BE THE MOTHER OF ALL WARS, HE SAID I WILL TAKE IT TO THE NEXT LEVEL AND NO ONE IS SAFE........FOR GOODNESS SAKE

NEW CHARACTERS COMING TO SHOW SOON.........................

LATEST............ANDY KEPT IN FOR OBSERVATION

WE ARE HEARING TONIGHT THAT ANDY IS TO BE KEPT IN FOR THE NEXT FEW DAYS FOR OBSERVATION, APPARANTLEY HE HAS TOLD DOCTORS AND NURSES TO KEEP SURGEON HALL AWAY FROM HIM IE STEVEN HALL SWHO HE THINKS IS A SURGEON WOULD YOU BELIEVE. WE HEAR ANDY IS STILL HALLUCIN ATING, AND SCREAMING OUT HES SEEING BETTY ON THE WALLS AT NIGHT. DOCTORS SAY HES HAD A BAD KNOCK ON THE HEAD, BUT THEY THINK IT WAS WHEN HE WAS LITTLE THAT EXPLAINS IT AND HES NEVER RECOVERED.PATIENTS ARE STILL SUFFERING IN THE WARDS
FROM HIS PIPE SMOKE, AND SOME ARE NOW SUFFERING CHEST INFECTIONS..............DEAR O DEAR